Manly, Man Stuff pt1

   You ever sit back and wonder what the qualifications for being a man are, or rather should be? Are you tired of hearing grown males profess to be "men" but are clearly lacking in the skills needed to be a man? I see this all the time and it really worries me. I really don't know who to blame. Blaming the media and their constant assualt on manhood just seems to clique to me. I think the blame for such putrid levels of manlyness in our society squarely on the shoulders of our elder men. How else are boys going to learn to be men without a proper example. Anyway, here is a exhaustive  list of 5 qualities/ skills that every man should have.

1. Change a tire
   This should be a no brainer. You ARE NOT a man if you don't know how to change a tire on your car... Period. If you blow a tire are you going to have your lady get out and change it? If you said yes to this stop reading this blog, put on a skirt and have a tea party sweetie cause you have no purpose here.


2. Grill
   Possibly the oldest and most quintessential aspect of manhood from prehistoric times onward. Look, you need to know how to take a piece of bloody meat, put it on a fire and make it edible. In the days of our manly, testosterone driven forefathers this was a necessity of life, if you couldn't make that mammoth you just killed edible then you were going to starve to death. Today, grilling just needs to be done. A man should be the master of his own girl. Unless you have been drinking heavily and there is a more sober person around you need to be the master of your grill chief. I will judge the hell out of you if I come to your cookout and you aren't the master of your grill... If you call yourself a man and can't grill, put a dress on and be done with it.


3. Cry
    If someone ever tells you that men aren't supposed to cry is selling you a whole crock of boo boo. If you internalize your emotions and don't cry every now and again you're going to get a kidney stone or cancer or some horrible thing like that. (Did you know you have to pee those stones out?? PEE A STONE????) As the great philosopher Joe Budden said "tears are words the mouth can't speak". Sometimes you need to just let your emotions out and you can't always vocalize it. As a man when you feel the need to deal with those emotions you deal with them as healthy as you can (crying is authorized) and then you MAN THE EFF UP and begin the work to fix things. However, DO NOT get it twisted, you can't be out here getting all misty eyed at the end of the notebook or something... If I catch you crying at some ridiculous love story you will never hear the end of it.



4.  Handle your liquor
    Look man, you need to be able to handle your liquor. ESPECIALLY being a token. First of all, white folks drink different than black people do. I'm not really sure why, it's certainly odd. You know how Dave Chappelle said never pass out around white people? Well that is true, you will get drawn on or balls in your face/ mouth. Why that shit occurs is beyond me... What possess a man to place his balls in the facial region of another passed out man??? Anyway, back to manly man stuff, you need to be able to handle your liquor because it's just not a good look for a man to be sloppy drunk and acting stupid (non bachelor party/ drinking holiday related).


5. Fight

    Fighting is not a good thing. Nobody will say that it's good to use violence to solve your problems. That said, sometimes it has to come to fisticuffs and you need to be prepared for that. A key element of manhood is knowing yourself and a fight or two is a good way to know exactly what you have. Do you have a glass jaw? Can you take a punch? These are all things that you need to know. If you know you have a glass jaw then you should probably just tell your girl to shut up with that big guy invariably disrespects her (or is talking to loud for her in a movie... A story will probably be told on that later days). If you know you can take a punch and deliver one equally well there are few better confidence builders, knowing that you are secure with just your hands. Now, don't go out to your local watering hole and pick a fight, join fight club and NEVER talk about it go to a gym and take up boxing or muy thai or jujitzu. There you can get trained in how to fight, get your ass kicked and kick some ass. Trust me, it's rewarding.


So there you have it, a gift from the token to you about what the things you need to know to me a man. There is more, lots more, a mans job is never done. There are always things that we men can continually be improving on to make us better. Stay tuned, pt 2 is coming soon.