FINISH HER!!!

    Have you ever played "Mortal Kombat"? If you have you know that after you beat your opponent and they are helpless the game implores you to "Finish Him". When this part of the game comes up you can simply wait it out, hit the person or lastly, and most gratifying, you can perform a fatality. Fatalities are a complicated series of button presses that caused your character to perform a awesome killing move to "finish" your opponent. Now, if you apply this concept to the sexy time!!! (yes) then you can also, in your everyday life, perform a fatality and "finish her" properly.

     Let me set the stage for you.... You have been giving your lady friend the business for awhile now. She's sweating, her skin is flushed, hair is everywhere. Maybe she's already reached the climax word to Usher and you are still going. You know it's building up to another REMIX!!!! when you realize it's time. She can't fight anymore, she's dazed. You know what should be flashing through your mind? FINISH HER.... 

Now some of you might be thinking "but token, you don't HAVE to do a fatality when she's about to be done anyway". If you do think that, stop reading my blog! You can have all the pedestrian sexy time (yes) that you want. This here is for those trying to take it to another level, but I digress.... 

You could just wait it out, you could just press "X" and hit them to end it OR, in the ultimate display of skill you can unleash a fatality that will bring her to her end in spectacular fashion. There are many ways to achieve this but you gotta have a favorite one, don't have one? Well you're in luck my boy!!! Pick her up.

    Now don't fireman carry her, make her wrap those legs around your waist and arms around your neck press down, back, forward, square, circle, back lift her up like the man you are and perform a fatality!!!! From here you have all you need to finish her properly in a way she's not going to soon forget. For an added level, hook your arms around those legs my boy! I mean the under the knee area. This way you have more movement possibilities. You can move her up and down and side to side, all the while not compromising the throxing! If you happen to get tired, rest her on your thigh area.

    Just so you know, there is more to this but what do I look like being out here giving away all of my secrets!!! Some of this stuff you need to just find out for yourself! Go to practice mode and experiment with different ways to make this the best fatality. Who knows, in a few weeks I might come back and bless y'all with some fatalities.

*** Please note: This fatality is suitable only for those strong enough to perform it. If you're not very strong or haven't hit the gym in the last decade or so do this with caution. If you drop your woman cause you're not strong enough she will never be able to look you in the eye ever again.... I don't blame her.

This phone

   Yo... I have arguably the most powerful phone ever heretofore unleashed onto the the human race. I know some of ya'll have the Iphone 4.3 5 or WhatEverTheHeckTheyTryingToPassOffAsNewTheseDays. Let me just put out right the eff now... Token doesn't give, half a frack, about what phone you have, as long as that device makes your feel supoerior to everone else  helps you call and dial. The reason that I'm writing this post is that, as I stated earlier, I have arguably the most powerful phone on the planet Earth and they gave me this non sense phone to use. I do believe that I'm going to pretty much do a retroactive review of this phone, whilst I have a phone that does, roughly, 1million times the thing that this current phone does.
   To start off, I have no idea what kind of phone this is... I would give you great American (and other nationalities) heroes a picture of this overpaid paperweight, but I don't know the kind... Hold on, I'm going to try and find a pic on google right now. It's just like this phone... Not quite, but madd close. This phone has SOOOOOO many buttons on it that I honestly can't keep track of. I don't know how I used to text madd people without looking at the screen because now navigating a simple menu baffles me, like I wasn't doing this 9 years ago... Where is technology going to go that merely a decade ago I had a device that fit in my hand that could almost literally reach ANYBODY ON THE PLANET, providing they also hand a hand held device and it's now obsolete.



    I'm telling you. I currently use a phone that has accesss to the ENTIRE STORE OF HUMAN KNOWLEDGE ALMOST UP TO THIS POINT IN HUMANITY. Do you know how serious that is? Really though, do you know what Einstien, Gallieo, Capernicus, Tomas Aquanias, Edison, Telsa, LITERALY ANY OTHER GENIOUS, would have done with a phone that has access to the ENTIRE STORE OF HUMAN information would have done with device like I have? And what do I use it for? Mothersucking angry birds and whatnot. **bit of a digression, If you haven't noticed yet, I think I'm pretty fracking brilliant. Not like, species defining brilliant (but if I was that brilliant you would def hear about that too) but pretty smart. Sure I recognize my intellectual betters (semi often at that) but yea... Back to the lecture at hand** This device has 3 total buttons and a touch screen!!! WHAT IS THE AQUA BLUE HECK DID WE DO BEFORE TOUCH SCREENES. This might be because I've had an iphone or no phone since 2007. Just for added emphasis.... I currently have a phone that has pretty much ON DEMAND ACCESSES OF EVERY BIT AND PIECE OF SIGNIFICANT KNOWLEDGE THAT WE HUMAN BEINGS HAVE COME TO UNDERSTAND OVER OUR ENTIRE HISTORY OF THIS PLANET, and I find THAT easier to navigate than something that, pretty much, just calls and texts.

Just so ya'll know, I am hanging with the servant semi so hard right now that I'm in the hot tub when Prince Hakeem comes home to with the hot chick from McDowells**.



**Note: I am not at McDowells tonight. Neither have I been at McDowells.

**I am in no way, shape, or form dissing the phone that was given to me... This is simply critique of a technology that I have no used since I was a teenager against a technology that I use today. I'm that big ass Zack Morris phone wouldn't hold a candle to the Nokia phone that they gave me.... Just incase someone's panties went into a bunch.

Token's food misadventures

   Let me start this off by saying that the VAST majority of food that I've had here has been nothing short of AMAZING!!! From here on out I will STRAIGHT UP DOMINATE some dry tibbs or lamb anything. As we were sitting on the shores of the lake we had the realization that we eat organic, pretty much everyday. That sounds really bougie and normally, I can't stand people who tout the fact that they eat organic but I don't really have a choice!! Neigh everything I eat is fresh here and sometimes you can see the meat that you're about to eat alive before you eat it (on very rare occasions).

   Now that I have told you guys how awesome the food here is, there are some...... Downsides. As with any new country or group of foods that you might try it will take some, uhhh, getting used to in the stomach. That part about the food here always and consistently sucks. It doesn't suck for very long, couple days and you get over it*. The other downside is the food is not always tasty, especially some of the more favorite local dishes.

 That ladies and Gentlemen is Kitfo, at least I think that's how it's spelled. What you are looking at is (from the top clockwise): raw beef, bread, cheese, oregano and finally anjera. What you do is you take the cheese/ oregano and mix it in with the raw beef. You then take the bread or anjera, break off a piece and pick up some of the meat and eat it.

   I know some of you are saying "I'm not eating raw beef from a third world country" and that's allowable. I find it untenable to go to a foreign country and not sample the local faire. Kitfo is pretty good once you get past the raw meat part. You might be sick for a day or two after eating it but once your stomach adjusts, it's pretty awesome!!! My advice? Don't eat the anjera! Just order extra Dabwo (that's bread, assuming I spelled it correctly).

   I don't currently have a picture of Anjera but I'll do my best to explain it. First, people from Zamunda love this stuff, it's served with everything (even my beloved dry tibs). It normally comes in tight rolls (like the far left in the picture above). It's a sourdough, spongy, pita type bread and you kinda use it like a tortilla. If you have a piece of anjera you really don't need any other silverware as any and everything can get wrapped up in it!

  

     So I just gave you the good, now I'm giving you the bad. What you see there are "special" tibs. I don't know what special is, but since I tried that I am automatically assuming "special" means gross. What you are looking at is lamb in some other gross sauce, with gross toppings surrounding the grossness. You also are looking at some anjera, back when I was trying to force myself to like anjera despite itself. I would not recommend this at all.

   To sum this up, based off of the two weeks that I've been trying my damndest to eat the habishaw food here in Zamunda, this is what I've found (and taken pictures of). A few members of my team have found my quest to eat the most habishaw food that I can to be foolish. I don't really understand why though! It makes zero sense to go to a foreign country and immediately seek out the most American food that you can find. Now, I will offer a word of warning!

Should you find yourself feeling adventurous, know what you are getting yourself into. Make sure that you are near your hotel, or American style toilet. If you are not and you have an extended trip, this is what you have to look forward to. That my friends is a hole in the concrete, I'm not sure what you're supposed to do with those blocks on either side of the hole but I'm not sitting on them.

 

BTW... The servant Semi says hello!

Where in the World is Token???

   Ello all 5 of you who read this!!! At some point whilst I was derping around the American embassy I decided to stop alluding to where I am. Henceforth, I am in Zamunda, home of Prince Akeem and King Joffe Jofer. I would make up a bunch of fake cities and whatnot here but.... I'm with the servant Semi.

Token no more?????

   I would like to welcome everybody who is reading this post to these words of wisdom from the home of the original, asiatic man, AFRICA! For an African-American such as I ,who sometimes feels like an outsider among the groups of Americans in which I interact with on a day to day basis, Africa has been nothing short of amazing!! As a member of the diaspora, returning to the motherland (although I'm kinda sure I'm "from" the other side of the continent) has been a great experience of coming back to my roots. This is in a very real sense
   I really feel accepted by the people here**. I truly been accepted and wherever I go people say that I am "Habishaw" which means an indigenous person. The rest of my team are "ferendie" which means foreigner (I am quite sure that I am butchering these words as I try and spell them). No matter where I go people take one look at me and tell me that I am habishaw. At the airport when I first got here someone walked up to me and asked if I spoke Amharic and I said no. Then my team's interpreter said that I could pass for Habishaw. At first I thought that people were just messing with me and trying to make me feel good but literally everywhere I go, from major city to mudhut village, people refer to me as Habishaw. In fact, last night while I was out someone walked up to me and spoke to me completely in Amharic and walked away. He had no idea that I was from America. As I am told, this will come with a great many benefits, most notably not having to pay any "skin tax" that the rest of my team will have to pay.
   I really can't underscore how amazing it is that I'm accepted here. I don't feel like I have to speak a certain way to put people at ease that I "belong" here. I am simply just accepted as a member of the community. There will be no daily reminders that I'm some kind of other, too black for some white folks and too white for some black folks. I mean, I've only been here a week but I figure the more Amharic that I learn to speak the more I will be able to seemlessly integrate with the community.
   Since I know some are thinking this, this is not some great slight to Americans or the way I am treated in America. To be honest, it's not as bad as it seems. It's kinda life. The jokes and whatnot that I get roll off my shoulders as what they are, jokes. I love America and Americans. We are the greatest nation on the planet and I would bleed on the flag to make sure the stripes stay red.


**Note: "Here" will be a nebulous place, at least officially. If you manage to put two and two together and figure out where I am, I'm not mad at 'cha I just don't want to make it easy for the terrorists to find me.