So a long, long time ago in a galaxy far far away a group of people got together to play a game. At the same time there were also a group of people who sat by and watched those people play a game. Those people were our fan ancestors, the first fans. In the beginning, the life of a sports fan was harsh, chaotic and brief. Then the sports Jesus aka Ray Allen descended upon us to give us fans rules to govern our allegiances.
1. Thou Shalt NOT be a fan of "city A" in football and city "B" in basketball.
A perfect example of this are people who are Patriots fan and Yankee fans. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE????? You cannot like a New York team and a Boston team. NO NO NO!!!!!!!! The NEW YORK Yankee's HATE the BOSTON Red Sox so how can you root for a team in NY and Boston?
Possibly a better example, I am a fan of THE Ohio State University. As such I hate any and all things Michigan. I don't give a damn for the WHOLE state of Michigan. This ties into commandment two.
2. Thou Shalt NOT be a front runner.
(Yankee fan, cowboy fan, Cavalier fan, Heat Fan)
You know those people who just sooo happen to be a fan of not just one successful team but LOTS of successful teams? That person who suddenly JUST became a Heat fan out of nowhere? Yea that guy. Don't be LeBron. LeBron is a fan of every singlesolitary successful sports team of his teenage years/ "America's Team". Fathers.... Raise your sons so you don't have to be embarrassed by this horrific trend.
3. Thou Shalt NOT be a Sports Bigamist.
Simply put, pick your favorite team and stick with it. You can't like the Cowboys in the NFC and Dolphins in the AFC. Pick a favorite team and you root solely for them. What happens if both of your teams wind up playing each other? Worse, what if it's a Super Bowl??? Nobody wants to hear about how you love both teams.
- Admission of guilt... I love two teams. I have forced myself to give up my beloved Utah Jazz and remain loyal to the Celtics. Although, Karl Malone is the greatest player ever to play the game.
4. Thou Shalt NOT covet thy neighbors team.
If your friend likes a team that isn't your rival, leave that man alone. If he loses a big game don't rub his nose in it. Don't heap more abuse on him than you already need too. We've all lost a tough game... No need to rub it in. **All bets are off if he's a fan of a team that Universally hated (Yankee, Laker, Michigan) Or if he's been a real d*ck about it.
5. Thou Shalt hate Michigan.
(That is Osama Bin Laden and he is a Michigan fan.)
Let me just get to the point. Michigan is an evil school. I suggest avoiding the entire state. The great Woody Hayes wouldn't stop to get gas in Michigan on recruiting trips because he didn't want to be in Michigan any longer than he had to.
That's it for now. I don't have all day to write this nonsense so sometime in the future I'll scribble some more sports commandments.
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