I have taken two long trips in my life. In those two trips I have learned less than I should but more than I care to know about how people act towards you when you're removed from them. My second trip either reinforced and changed some of the conclusions that I drew from the first trip. I write this so that you, you nebulous person who theoretically is reading this blog, might be a little prepared for what to expect when you're gone.
1. You will randomly acquire SO MUCH random stuff that you don't need/ want.
You won't realize that you got all of this nonsense either until it's time to leave and you're mailing stuff home. You will go through your belongings and be at a complete and utter loss for words as to how you came to acquire so much..... Stuff! During the tail end of my Iraq trip I discovered that I had picked up so much extraneous that I had no clue what to do with it. Markers, flashlights, boxes up boxes of pens, batteries, trinkets, shirts and I even picked up a mouse (that tore through my chemical suit and flew out of one of my bags) all of this was the random things that I just kinda picked up along the way.
2. You will not pack enough stuff.
You will forget things, probably important things. Why would you do this? Because you're packing for a long trip and you will not remember everything. This time, I left a hat! How did I forget something so base as a hat? Clearly I'm retarded, but I did it. I don't remember what I forgot last trip but I'm sure it was something important! I really don't think it's possible for you to reasonably pack for every contingency, especially when you don't really know what you'll be doing.
3. You will pack too much stuff.
So you're going to a warm weather environment and you want to bring cold weather gear "just in case"? You want to bring a suit just in case you get to suit up and go somewhere special? You're not going to need it but bring it! A nice pair of shoes? Like basketball shoes? Eff it, bring em you'll use em like 4 times so why not! Look, bottom line you're bringing entirely too much nonsense and there really isn't much you can do it.
4. You will feel left out.
The Grunt and I were having a conversation the other day about pop culture and how we miss so much pop culture related things while on a trip. The last time I COMPLETELY missed out of the cupid shuffle, I came back and everybody was doing this dance that I had zero clue about. To again put it in prospective I heard Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" for the first time a week ago when I downloaded his newest album. Popular culture seems to move at sub 12 parsec speeds while you're gone. But the feeling of being left out by pop culture pales in comparison to other things.
5. Your loved ones will make you feel left out.
So while you're gone you think pop culture is going to make you feel left you? Wait until the people that you love and love you completely ignore you. You'll leave messages and get no responses, you'l see other people getting the love you want from people and you'll get none of it. Laughing at people for having a loving and supportive group around them quickly isn't funny anymore when you start to realize you don't have that. You will hear "oh what do you want I'll get it together" of some for more times than you want to hear and you will cease to expect anything.
6. The people that hold you down will forever be in your heart.
Two people who immediately come to mind who held me down my entire first trip are Jewbacca and my grandma. Those two people sent me letters and packages and Jewbacca was always there to talk to and bounce ideas off of and everything like that. For this deployment, I'll always hold Butters in high regard. He was the very berry first person to send me anything this trip. We haven't spoken a whole lot but it really doesn't take much to make a person feel good. Jewbacca has always been there for me. She was the second person to send something and she's the only person to consistently have the decency to respond to messages! The coolest thing about these two people is that I've never asked for anything, they just knew what was up and decided to act like a friend. There are others that have certainly been pretty awesome this deployment. A special shootout goes to my brother who constantly held me down back at home and with forwarding things to me that I need. Without him looking out for my interests at home and here I'd be sunk!
7. Jodie will get to your girl. Yes, your girl.
The American military has a grand tradition of singing about the not at all mythical person named Jodie who has sex with your girl while you'reat the supermarket getting eggs on a deployment. With phrases like "ain't no use in calling home, Jodie's on your telephone" from basic training on young military members are confronted with the fact that someone (probably that they know) is having sex with their sweethearts while they toil away. So, before you leave on your trip just know that your sweet wonderful sweetheart who PROMISED that she can be with you through your trip and SWORE that she wouldn't bang Jodie? Well, she's banging Jodie. When your trips starts you'll hear less and less from her till she lets you know what's going on or you find out. But don't you worry, she still loves and really loves you and really this is your fault because well, people can't just be owning up to their personal failings can they?
Well, that's about it. Stay turned for the part 2 to this series "What to expect when you get home" coming as soon as I get home and feel like writing.
1. You will randomly acquire SO MUCH random stuff that you don't need/ want.
You won't realize that you got all of this nonsense either until it's time to leave and you're mailing stuff home. You will go through your belongings and be at a complete and utter loss for words as to how you came to acquire so much..... Stuff! During the tail end of my Iraq trip I discovered that I had picked up so much extraneous that I had no clue what to do with it. Markers, flashlights, boxes up boxes of pens, batteries, trinkets, shirts and I even picked up a mouse (that tore through my chemical suit and flew out of one of my bags) all of this was the random things that I just kinda picked up along the way.
2. You will not pack enough stuff.
You will forget things, probably important things. Why would you do this? Because you're packing for a long trip and you will not remember everything. This time, I left a hat! How did I forget something so base as a hat? Clearly I'm retarded, but I did it. I don't remember what I forgot last trip but I'm sure it was something important! I really don't think it's possible for you to reasonably pack for every contingency, especially when you don't really know what you'll be doing.
3. You will pack too much stuff.
So you're going to a warm weather environment and you want to bring cold weather gear "just in case"? You want to bring a suit just in case you get to suit up and go somewhere special? You're not going to need it but bring it! A nice pair of shoes? Like basketball shoes? Eff it, bring em you'll use em like 4 times so why not! Look, bottom line you're bringing entirely too much nonsense and there really isn't much you can do it.
4. You will feel left out.
The Grunt and I were having a conversation the other day about pop culture and how we miss so much pop culture related things while on a trip. The last time I COMPLETELY missed out of the cupid shuffle, I came back and everybody was doing this dance that I had zero clue about. To again put it in prospective I heard Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" for the first time a week ago when I downloaded his newest album. Popular culture seems to move at sub 12 parsec speeds while you're gone. But the feeling of being left out by pop culture pales in comparison to other things.
5. Your loved ones will make you feel left out.
So while you're gone you think pop culture is going to make you feel left you? Wait until the people that you love and love you completely ignore you. You'll leave messages and get no responses, you'l see other people getting the love you want from people and you'll get none of it. Laughing at people for having a loving and supportive group around them quickly isn't funny anymore when you start to realize you don't have that. You will hear "oh what do you want I'll get it together" of some for more times than you want to hear and you will cease to expect anything.
6. The people that hold you down will forever be in your heart.
Two people who immediately come to mind who held me down my entire first trip are Jewbacca and my grandma. Those two people sent me letters and packages and Jewbacca was always there to talk to and bounce ideas off of and everything like that. For this deployment, I'll always hold Butters in high regard. He was the very berry first person to send me anything this trip. We haven't spoken a whole lot but it really doesn't take much to make a person feel good. Jewbacca has always been there for me. She was the second person to send something and she's the only person to consistently have the decency to respond to messages! The coolest thing about these two people is that I've never asked for anything, they just knew what was up and decided to act like a friend. There are others that have certainly been pretty awesome this deployment. A special shootout goes to my brother who constantly held me down back at home and with forwarding things to me that I need. Without him looking out for my interests at home and here I'd be sunk!
7. Jodie will get to your girl. Yes, your girl.
The American military has a grand tradition of singing about the not at all mythical person named Jodie who has sex with your girl while you're
Well, that's about it. Stay turned for the part 2 to this series "What to expect when you get home" coming as soon as I get home and feel like writing.
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